i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
