he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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