And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
