I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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