turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I fill condoms, not promises.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
