Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
