he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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