no, he came in my armpit
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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