the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
