After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize