If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
