xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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