Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just googled if crying burns calories
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
