You can't special order awesome
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
