so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
