I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
