are you still at the devil's house?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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