i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
