i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize