Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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