tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You made out with two different species that night
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
