I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what day is it and did you see me today?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
