I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize