did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
