I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize