Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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