Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
