first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
