butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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