Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
