Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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