Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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