I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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