btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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