After last night, I could never be a politician.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
