My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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