It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
