so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Shame is for Republicans.
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