like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
