Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
