thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
