Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
