I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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