i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
