could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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