Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
