Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize