Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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