Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
