sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
