omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
