i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
