Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
