That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
