I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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