Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
