Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize