Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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