so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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