I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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