Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
