Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize