Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
