So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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