it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
