fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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