you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
