I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
