I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
