there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
