this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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