actually, I'm a sock model
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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