she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
dude. I can hear the air.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
