i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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