Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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