I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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