your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
