I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
