I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
