i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
