Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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