Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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