I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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