How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
