Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
