Are we in a gay sports bar?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
