I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
