She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
