I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize