clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
